Thursday, March 29, 2012

That Beautiful Smile

I hope my dear friends will bear with me one more time as I try to honor our niece.  All my friends know that we've seen our dear niece, Ashley, go from living life to it's fullest to passing on in death.  It's been a horrible experience.  It's been horrible to see her weaken in sickness.  It's been horrible to see her husband struggling through the experience, and it's been horrible seeing her little boys cry from being heartbroken and not understanding where mommy is.  Oh, Lord, my heart is grieving.

But in spite of it all, there is one thing that God gives in the midst of all our misery, and that is memories.  Ashley was a cute little pixie of a girl who loved pickles more than candy.  She giggled at everything and was always ready for some fun.  She was beautiful inside and out, and the center of all that beauty was her smile.  I wrote a poem for her and about her, and (thank God for his strength) was able to read it at her memorial service today.  I hope you can catch a little glimpse of our Ashley.

                                               THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE
She arrived in town, on a warm summer day,
  after nine months being snuggled safely away.
She was all pink and girly, with a soft, white downy head
  and as they cuddled together in that hospital bed,
Her mother looked down and told her, "I've been waiting awhile"
  and in her mind, she already knew that beautiful smile.

She toddled through life those first few years,
  falling, laughing, giggling, and shedding very few tears.
She became her cousin's best little friend
  they ran, played, and rode big wheels until each day's end.
Her hair was snow white, her face usually dirty, but all the while
  she captured our hearts with that beautiful smile.

Her days were full of friends and family and Curious George, too
  while most kids ate popsicles, she had a pickle or two.
All of the community was her back yard
  and staying away from Mamaw and Papaw's was awfully hard.
Running through their house like a little juvenile
  they didn't care as long as they saw that beautiful smile.

She grew to be a girl full of action and fun
  How can you be daddy's little girl, a diva, and a tomboy, all in one?
School was easy with science, literature, mathmatics and fractions
  Until one day, way too soon, boys became main attractions.
But she captured one boy's heart, and to resist was futile
  It was too late because he saw that beautiful smile!

She and the cousin, who was her best friend
  came full circle and were together again.
In college, new friends made, old acquaintances renewed
  still playing games, still being silly, just with a new attitude.
These games included water balloons in a stockpile
  but she could get away with anything with that beautiful smile.

She became a professional, a wife and a mother
  she worked hard and loved hard, like no other.
There were days of exhaustion, no makeup, bad hair,
  toys underfoot, kids crying, despair.
Even in disarry, her husband saw the girl who walked down the aisle
  and captured his heart with that beautiful smile.

When sickness took over and no hope was in sight
  her faith wasn't shaken, on and on she would fight.
But finally, when she closed her eyes here for the very last time
  she opened them in heaven with it's beauty, sublime.

Her cousin, her sister, her grandparents await
  they're laughing and waving to her at the gate.
They grab her and hug her and show her around
  never has such beauty in her life been found.
They tell her all pain is over, and never another trial
  and they are amazed at that beautiful smile!

They tell her they have someone they want her to meet
  They take her by the hand to sit at His feet.
She wants to thank Him, and how she tries
  But she's never, ever seen such love as shown in His eyes.
He leans down to touch her, and it's all worthwhile
  when He says He's the One that gave her that beautiful smile.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Just a Little Overwhelmed

I don't know.  Is it just me or does everyone else feel overwhelmed sometimes. 

I'm a fix it person.  I don't like whining or complaining about something if you're not going to fix it.  Just get over whatever it is, pull yourself up by the bootstraps and fix it.  But right now, I can't fix it.

I've got a dear mom who fell and broke her leg.  I can't fix it.  She's dealing with some dementia.  I can't fix that either.  My darling neice is dying a little more each day with cancer.  I can't do a thing.  My  grandson is autistic and is dealing with more things than a little boy should ever have to, and grammy can't fix anything.

So what use am I??  What good is it to see them everyday going through all these trials and I can't do a blessed thing???

I know I'm usually the silly one, the goofy grandma, the one cracking jokes, but today I just can't laugh.  I'm overwhelmed.  However.......

....I have a great big God, who is the beginning and the end; the Almighty God, who is never overwhelmed; the Prince of Peace, who gives comfort when there is no other comfort; He's a father to the fatherless, and watched over me through all the careless years I had without a father;  the Creator of the universe, from the peaks of Mt. Everest, to the little tiny crickets in my backyard, and He knows my name.  He knows how many hairs are on my head and how many freckles are on my face (and that's quite a few!)  He knows the thoughts inside my head, and he even knows when there's absolutely nothing going on in there (which is quite often).  He knows my name. 

 I just can't get over that.  In spite of the bazillions of other things that are so important, and the bazillions of other people, He still knows me.  He knows where I am, He knows my heart is breaking, and He knows that I am a "fix it" person and that I feel helpless right now...and He loves me.

No, nothing is fixed.  Everything is still bleak.  Yet, here I sit with tears in my eyes and a hug to my heart.  No one else can do that.  No one other than my Father. 

But now saith the LORD that created thee; O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.  When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.