Fall is such a hard time for me. I can remember when I got excited when it came around because it meant back to school, getting reacquainted with friends, ballgames, cooler days and bluer skies. But after, the loss of our little girl on September 2, 1978, autumn took on a different meaning. It became a time of loss.
Later, though, when the boys were in school, I got some of the old feelings back. Lots of excitement about school days and fun times! And boy, did we have some good times. I loved every minute of it...well, maybe not the last minute "oh, this project is due tomorrow" minutes. Okay, come to think of it, I loved that too! I loved rushing around feeding anywhere from 3 to 10 boys everyday, trying to get them all to a ballgame or to practice. I loved riding the team van with a load of stinky, silly boys. I loved making plans for banquets, dates, and overnighters. I loved having the house practically, shaking off it's foundation from boys running and playing through one door and out the other.
For awhile, fall was a funtime again. But now, the house is full of quiet, no ballgames, no parties, no overnighters of a house full of kids.
This past week was a very difficult time for me. There are some times of such an overwhelming loss that it physically hurts and this was one of those times. But then, I got a call...."hey, mom, me and Jess are gonna come home and watch the ballgame with you and dad. Oh, and I'm bringing a friend, so make plenty of hot dog chili!" And, I got another call..."mom, me and Melissa are going to the game, so we were wondering.....can you watch Marilyn all day Sunday."
Wow! I'm having a party!..... food, boys(only much bigger boys), ballgame, friends, and family! Not, only am I having all that, but I get to have baby hugs, too!
Oh, what a healing I got when I wrapped those little dimpled arms around my neck and held on. How fun it was to hear, "mom, is it ready, yet!"
God has never failed to give me what I need when I need it. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
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