Creepies

I hate creepy things, and it seems like lately, I've had my share of them.  I don't like snakes, spiders, beetles (those little kamakaze kind that dive bomb into anything), mice, or bears.  Okay, bears is stretching the "creepy thing" concept, but I don't like them.

The other day my husband and I were working our patooties off cleaning, pressure washing, and staining our decks and porches.  We had taken a break and was sitting on the patio, when I decided that I would go work on my screened porch.  I was walking merrily on my way, and getting ready to pick up some flower pots beside my step, when I saw it....just creeping through the grass like a snake.  Well, it was a snake, thus the creeping.  I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out as I threw up my hands and screamed, moonwalking back to the patio.  I looked like some crazed woman in the throws of a spiritual attack.  I was expecting my husband to come to my rescue, and he did, once he was able to get his breath from laughing so hard.  He thoroughly enjoyed replaying my spiritual dance to me many times.  Thanks, hon.

A few days ago, I decided to sit on my beautifully stained screened porch.  It was late evening, I was relaxing in my chaise, which was turned with the back toward the field and woods.  I was sitting there reading a book, listening to the crickets chirp, frogs doing whatever it is they do, and heavy breathing.  What?  I could swear that I heard some very loud, heavy breathing behind me.  Creepy.  Just in case I was losing it, I decided to move my furniture around so I could face the woods, and pretend that I didn't just hear heavy breathing.  Okay, I heard it again.  At that point, I yelled at my husband (the mocker) to come out on the porch.  He asked what was wrong and I told him that I thought I heard heavy breathing.  You just have to imagine, here, the look he gave me...like he expected me to say something else...something other than I'm hearing heavy breathing outside on my porch.

So, while I'm trying to mimic what I had just heard (which was entertaining in itself), we heard it.  Not just the heavy breathing, but lots of wood banging, wood breaking noises. I was just waiting for an out of shape Sasquatch to walk out of the woods breathing heavy from the exertion, when we saw a bear walk through the field toward all the noise.  This is when we heard wood hitting wood, branches breaking and something clanking its teeth together...another bear!!  The first bear come shuffling very quickly out of the woods and everytime it would walk back, the noise would start up again. 

We got the binoculars and watched this for quite awhile, but it was almost completely dark, so we could only catch glimpses as the bear would come back out into the field.  Everyone tells me that it was another bear that was making all the noise in the woods, but I'm not completely convinced.  I'm still leaning toward Sasquatch.

So, on my way to church tonight, as I was backing out of the garage a spider landed on my windshield.**shiver**  Anything with more than four legs is just way high on my creep meter.  I couldn't take my eyes off it.  I didn't want to turn on the wipers because I could just imagine smear marks with lots of little legs on my window, so off we go down the driveway.  I thought it would blow off because I was throwing gravels as I sped out, but noooo, it just hung on.  I was afraid to slow down because I was afraid it would make its way to my door and just wait until I opened it, and jump on me, so as I got to the end of my road, I didn't stop, I just slowed enough to see it was clear, then floored it.

Going fifty five down the road and it was still hanging on with all those tiny legs. Ew.  As I neared the interstate, I was gaining confidence I could blow that thing off doing seventy.  At this point, I was talking trash to it.  As I hit the ramp, I could see it move, but it was just getting a better grip.  It's legs were spread almost straight to gain traction, and I believe it had two legs over its eyes, but I'm not sure.  Man, that was a tough little creepy thing. 

I went about five miles, when it disappeared.  Yay, me!!  Oh, wait.  What if it just blew into that little space around my door and was waiting on me to stop.  I'll never know.  I won't know if it is still there, or maybe crawled inside.  I may have to trade my car in.

I hate creepy things.